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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269326">you know i can't love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Victorious56/pseuds/Victorious56'>Victorious56</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RWBY</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Hopeful Ending, M/M, Rated for One Swear, Sad Ending, Separations, or possibly - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:47:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,901</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269326</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Victorious56/pseuds/Victorious56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Qrow sat on his bed, trying without success to suppress the tears. Why was he even crying? He should have known this is how it would end.</i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Qrow Branwen/Clover Ebi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you know i can't love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I love the song <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beiPP_MGz6I">Love Love Love</a> by Of Monsters and Men, even though it is so sad.<br/>I wondered how a situation might come about, where one person was unable to allow themselves to love another.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Qrow had spoken to Pietro when he'd realised what was happening.</p>
<p>First of all, it was just the odd scrape or knock. Clover laughed it off. "This happens all the time, don't worry about it." Qrow had noticed Elm looking at him, her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed. The small shake of her head started him thinking.</p>
<p>After that, Clover began to suffer more significant injuries. He'd sprained his ankle twice, broken a finger, and dislocated his shoulder. Qrow told him they shouldn't partner up any more.</p>
<p>"You don't know it's anything to do with you," Clover insisted.</p>
<p>"Let's see, then. A week of working separately."</p>
<p>At the end of the week, it looked like Qrow was right. Clover had burnt his hand whilst cooking one day, and there were a couple of other minor incidents. Nothing serious though.</p>
<p>"Okay, maybe you have a point," Clover conceded. "But the occasional bump and scratch I can cope with, I'm a big boy, remember?" He put a hand under Qrow's chin, tilting his face gently. "This is no more than other people get, right? So we won't patrol together, and it'll be fine."</p>
<p>Qrow looked at him, his brow creased. "I guess," he replied slowly. Clover's warm lips on his were not enough to dispel his unwelcome thoughts.</p>
<p>So when he'd gone to see Pietro, he hoped the scientist would reiterate Clover's conclusion. He wasn't prepared for the blow which Pietro dealt him.</p>
<p>"It will only get worse over time. I've read about this, although I've never seen it myself. Research indicates that, because of the strength of the emotions between you, continuing contact will exacerbate any unfortunate outcome for Captain Ebi."</p>
<p>"What do you mean by <i>exacerbate</i>, exactly?" Qrow's voice was harsh.</p>
<p>"Little things will become more... serious. And serious things could become... dangerous. Possibly life-threatening."</p>
<p>Qrow felt as though the floor tilted beneath him. He put out a hand to steady himself, knocking a notepad onto the floor.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Qrow. This is a shock for you." Pietro pushed a stool towards Qrow, who flopped onto it. He looked at the older man.</p>
<p>"Is there any way round it? Anything I can do?" His voice cracked a little as he spoke.</p>
<p>"Not much is known about this phenomenon. I can start to research it, but in the short to medium term— there is nothing that can be done. I'm sorry."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>❖</p>
</div><p>Qrow picked up his scroll and opened the document. Previously, he would never have approached a problem in this way. Spending time with Clover meant he had acquired some of the other man's habits, such as listing the pros and cons of a course of action which you were contemplating. "It doesn't make the decision for you," Clover had said. "But it helps to think about the positives and negatives of a situation. Setting them down should make the decision easier."</p>
<p>So Qrow had listed <i>Reasons to Stay.</i></p><ol>
  <li>I love Clover and I don't want to live without him.</li>
  <li>Clover loves me and I'm pretty sure he'd want me to stay.</li>
  <li>The kids.</li>
</ol>
<p>There was only one entry under <i>Reasons to Leave.</i></p><ol>
  <li>If I stay there's a strong probability Clover will come to serious harm.</li>
</ol>
<p>Qrow was certain the three did not outweigh the one. <i>I managed before we met. So did he.</i> That just left the kids... Qrow's chest felt cold at the thought of leaving them. <i>They're getting older now. They'll cope. They'll have to.</i></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>❖</p>
</div><p>Qrow pulled the door shut with a loud click as he left the General's office. That was one conversation he was glad to put behind him. He'd managed to persuade General Ironwood to do things his way, although it hadn't been easy. The General wasn't convinced by Qrow's reasoning, and it took some while before he nodded. "If this is truly how you want to play it, I'll go along with you. But I'm not happy, Qrow."</p>
<p>"And you think I am? You think this is <i>how I want to play it</i>? It's not a fucking game, Jimmy." Qrow got up abruptly, knocking the edge of the large desk with his leg.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Qrow. This must be— hard for you."</p>
<p>Qrow looked at him. The General had never seen such pain in his pale crimson eyes before. "It is. But it's the only way." He turned and walked from the office, his shoulders slumping as he passed through the doorway.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>❖</p>
</div><p>Qrow sat on his bed, trying without success to suppress the tears. Why was he even crying? He should have known this is how it would end.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>❖</p>
</div><p>"So, d'you fancy a walk later? The sky's clear, should get some good views of the aurora." Clover looked at his boyfriend, not quite quickly enough to notice the shift in Qrow's expression.</p>
<p>"Yeah, that'd be nice." Qrow smiled at him across the mess hall table.</p>
<p>"I've got some admin to catch up on after we've eaten. Shall I call by at about eight?"</p>
<p>"Fine by me."</p>
<p>"Okay, see you a bit later." Clover pushed his chair back, leaning across to kiss Qrow on the forehead. He ruffled the older man's dark hair, whispering, "Love you," as he did so.</p>
<p>Qrow blew him a kiss, and Clover grinned as he headed out. Qrow watched him leave, lips pressed into a thin line.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>❖</p>
</div><p>The observation area on the roof of the tall accommodation block was a favourite location for many of the personnel stationed on the base. There was a glass dome with seating for those who did not want to venture outside. Clover and Qrow decided to brave the chill night air, and walked to the far end of the roof. There were several benches dotted about, so they sat down, Clover putting his arm across Qrow's shoulders. He felt Qrow stiffen momentarily, before the older man relaxed against him.</p>
<p>"Everything okay?" Clover looked at Qrow, a slight wrinkle on his forehead.</p>
<p>The response was a deep sigh. "What's up, Qrow?"</p>
<p>"I— maybe we shouldn't have come here. I don't know if it might have been better to be indoors."</p>
<p>"What is it, are you cold? We can go back down if you want."</p>
<p>"No, I'm not cold. How could I be, with my own personal space heater right beside me?" Qrow gave a small laugh, which ended in a gulping sound.</p>
<p>Clover squinted at Qrow's face. The older man's eyes were bright in the moonlight. "Come on Qrow, what is it? You look upset."</p>
<p>Qrow looked at him, then turned his face away to gaze across the parapet towards the horizon. "I'm going to say something now which you probably won't like."</p>
<p>Clover shifted away from Qrow and angled himself on the bench to face him. His face was expressionless. "Okay..."</p>
<p>"Promise me you won't kick up a fuss. Please." Qrow looked back towards Clover, his hands pressed together between his knees.</p>
<p>Clover said nothing. He stared at Qrow, a chill passing through his body. "Go on." His voice cracked, as though speaking even those two syllables was an extreme effort.</p>
<p>"I'm leaving."</p>
<p>Clover felt as though everything around them had disappeared. He and Qrow were in a bubble of darkness, surrounded by silence.</p>
<p>"Where— when will you be back? I mean, how long... Qrow, what do you mean?" Clover's whole body began to tremble.</p>
<p>Qrow stared at the floor. "I have to leave... you. I have to leave you. It's a one-way trip."</p>
<p>"But..." Clover couldn't even begin to form a coherent sentence in his head. "If this is about the semblance thing, these little knocks I get... I've told you, I can cope. Please..."</p>
<p>"If I stay here, with you... It won't end well. If there is one good thing I can do for you, let me do this."</p>
<p>"<i>You're</i> my good thing. I don't—"</p>
<p>Qrow interrupted. "I've seen Pietro. He said it will only get worse. Because of the <i>strength of the emotion</i>." He tried to still the shivering which threatened to overwhelm him. "You could die."</p>
<p>"There must be something... Qrow, there has to be a way. This is Atlas, surely—"</p>
<p>"No, Clover, stop!" Qrow voice was an urgent whisper. "Please, stop. Don't you imagine I've had those thoughts going round in my head for days? There's nothing that can be done."</p>
<p>"But... I love you." Clover sniffed loudly.</p>
<p>"Of course you do. And I love you back." Qrow took one of Clover's hands in his own. "You idiot, it isn't that I don't love you. I <i>can't</i> love you. I can't take the risk. I'd do anything to keep you safe, because... you're so precious to me." He lifted Clover's hand and kissed the palm gently. "See, I've become a soft bastard."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but you're <i>my</i> soft bastard." Clover sniffed again, his voice a little stronger. "This can't be happening, Qrow."</p>
<p>Qrow sighed. "It is, Clover. It has to. I've cleared it with Jimmy—"</p>
<p>"The General knows? And he's letting you go?"</p>
<p>"I don't work for him, you know. Not officially. But... there are things I can do for Jimmy, so I will. At least I can do <i>some</i> good. And it's classified, no-one else knows. Not even the kids."</p>
<p>Clover stared at him. "They're going to be devastated."</p>
<p>Qrow looked away. "I know. They'll have to get over it. We all will."</p>
<p>"When... when are you going? <i>Where</i> are you going?"</p>
<p>"Tonight. I can't be here with it hanging over me. And— I can't tell you where. And don't ask Jimmy. I've told him he mustn't say." Qrow's voice was unsteady. "I— you mustn't think of coming after me."</p>
<p>"Qrow, I can't... please don't go." Clover's voice broke as his tears took over.</p>
<p>Qrow turned back towards him, his face a pale mask. "Clover, I <i>have</i> to. And that's... there's no more to say."</p>
<p>"Your kids... they'll want to know why... and why I didn't stop you."</p>
<p>"I've left a letter for them in my room. They won't blame you, once they've read it."</p>
<p>"I don't care about blame... But it <i>is</i> my fault. Look, I can go somewhere, it doesn't have to be you who leaves..."</p>
<p>"No, that won't work. We would have left here anyway, eventually. Maybe I can rejoin them in the future, when they're away from here..." He slid closer to Clover. "Please, try to get back to the life you had before. Please try, Clover. What we had... maybe it was never meant to last."</p>
<p>"It will last for me," Clover whispered.</p>
<p>Qrow got to his feet. He had never felt the pull of gravity so strongly before. "Bye, soldier-boy." He gripped Clover's shoulder hard, before turning away.</p>
<p>Qrow stepped onto the parapet, falling forward without a backward glance.</p>
<p>Clover rushed to the edge, scanning the area below with desperate eyes. A movement caught his attention, and the dark shape rose above the buildings and flew away. He widened his eyes, craving a last look, unable to accept that Qrow had gone.</p>
<p>For a fleeting moment, he imagined following suit, falling into oblivion. What point was there in anything, if Qrow wasn't here? That thought vanished with his next breath.</p>
<p>
  <i>I'm lucky. I have good fortune. This will work itself out, somehow.</i>
</p>
<p>He grabbed at the cloverleaf pin on his chest, pulling it away. The edges dug into his palm as he squeezed it tightly, pressing his lips against his curled fingers. <i>Please.</i></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Friendly comments always appreciated, thank you.</p>
<p>If you prefer your angst with a happy ending, eventually... I wrote a follow-up to this one <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30381969">here</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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